Reflections After Watching The Housemaid

I recently went to see the movie The Housemaid. It’s a powerful and well-made film—but I want to say this clearly: it can be very triggering for anyone who is currently living in, or healing from, domestic violence. If that’s you, please take care of yourself and trust your instincts about what you’re ready to watch.

I won’t spoil the movie, but I do want to share why it stayed with me.

What this film captures so accurately is how domestic abuse—especially emotional abuse—can slowly invert reality. The victim often ends up looking like the problem. The unstable one. The person others gossip about or question. By the time someone finds the courage to leave, they are often deeply isolated and painfully alone.

The movie does an important job of showing just how damaging emotional abuse can be. How coercive control seeps into every part of a person’s life. And how, when left unchecked, emotional abuse can escalate into physical abuse. These dynamics don’t happen all at once—they build quietly, gradually, and often invisibly to outsiders.

Another hard truth the film reflects is this: you won’t always receive the support you expect from systems that are meant to protect you. That reality can be devastating, especially when someone has already been stripped of their sense of safety and trust.

One thing I believe is especially important for people who are young or just learning how to date is understanding the role of boundaries early on. You get to decide how you expect to be treated—and you must hold your partner accountable to that standard. Control in a relationship is never okay. We are each our own person. A healthy relationship is a partnership, not an imbalance of power.

If you’re dating and you name concerning behaviors and your partner is unwilling to change, it’s important to walk away. If you’re married, seeking professional help is a reasonable step. But if your partner refuses to acknowledge how their behavior is harming you or the relationship, you have to ask yourself an honest question: Is this relationship emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy for me?

I don’t encourage walking away without trying to resolve issues when it’s safe and appropriate to do so. But if you’ve tried—truly tried—and there is no change, then you deserve to reflect on what you are willing to tolerate.

It is never okay to lose yourself inside a relationship.

A relationship should help you grow into a better, fuller version of yourself. If it doesn’t, it’s worth asking whether it’s right for you.

And if you do walk away—even if you initiated it—be prepared for grief. Sadness. Doubt. Second-guessing. Those feelings don’t mean you made the wrong decision. They mean you cared.

Trust yourself.

And remember: choosing yourself is not a failure. It’s an act of courage.