When Support Spaces Keep Us Stuck

As I’ve begun navigating the process of sharing and promoting my book, something has come into clearer focus for me—something that, for a long time, quietly kept me stuck in my own healing.

There are many support groups today for people who have lived with “narcissistic” partners or “abusive” partners. These spaces exist for a reason, and I want to say that clearly. They give language to behaviors people didn’t have words for. They validate experiences that were minimized or denied. They remind survivors that they are not alone.

All of that matters.

And yet, I’ve noticed something else.

Many of these groups center almost entirely on recounting what the other person did—how they hurt us, manipulated us, controlled us, or broke us down. While sharing those stories can be an important part of naming the harm, I’ve found that staying in those spaces for too long can become triggering for me. Reading story after story pulls me right back into the emotional state I lived in during the abuse. My body reacts as if it’s happening again.

More importantly, the focus often stays on the person who caused the harm.

When that happens, healing can quietly stall.

When our energy remains fixed on understanding, analyzing, or reliving what someone else did to us, it can keep them centered in our story long after we’ve left the relationship. The pain stays loud. The past stays present. And moving forward feels harder.

That doesn’t mean these groups don’t serve a purpose—they absolutely do. For many, they are a first step out of confusion and isolation. I support that deeply.

I just wish more of these spaces shifted the focus sooner—from what happened to what happens next.

From survival to healing.

From naming harm to rebuilding self.

From them to us.

Healing is not about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about learning how to carry it without letting it define every moment of our future. It’s about nervous system repair, self-trust, boundaries, faith, joy, and reclaiming a sense of safety in our own lives.

For me, true healing required stepping out of spaces that kept me reliving the trauma and stepping into ones that asked: Who are you becoming now?

We deserve support that not only validates our pain—but also helps us move beyond it.

Because healing isn’t just about being heard.

It’s about being free.